


Road to New Swissland

by Cherry_Bomb_Bees



Category: Captain Underpants Series - Dav Pilkey
Genre: also a few ocs here, hes now the brave boisterous boxersman, new swissland au, tldr: poopypants is the one that becomes a superhero
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-11-29 07:55:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 6,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11436501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cherry_Bomb_Bees/pseuds/Cherry_Bomb_Bees
Summary: A CU AU where Poopypants has a superhero alter ego instead and Mr Krupp is the main villian. Also this series now takes place in New Swissland and Old Swissland.





	1. Pippy the Stardust Crusader

**Author's Note:**

> Heads up: Chapter 2 is about 2 unseen characters that replace a few canon characters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to my first fanfiction. Honestly most of this came to me in a dream, so expect some bizarreness. And by some, I mean a shit ton.

It all started in the hellish dictatorship of a country known as Old Swissland. Located to the northwest of New Swissland, this country is known for only three things: a petty warped version of "freedom", intolerance of immigrants despite the nation's founders immigrating from Europe just to avoid taxing, and excessive punishments for the most mundane of laws. 

Inside the capital of Old Swissland, District of Old Nina, there was a surprisingly well-funded building known as Old Swissland Correction Center. The correction center was bursting with dangerous criminals such as Snow Jean who sang a song about fire and ice after 9 PM, Josuke who kinkshamed a man to death, and old Jeto Lared who mailed questionable packages to members of the film industry. 

But one prisoner stood out from the rest, and his name was Weepy Snottington Poopypants. Weepy was a New Swisslander resident who had moved to the country to dig up dirt on the Old Swissland dictator and complete his writings for Chunky Q. Boogernose University's English department. Unfortunately for our first hero, he was arrested for the scandalous crimes of leaking important documents about Old Swissland government officials, committing grand theft auto, cussing out authority figures, and dabbing in 2017. Things did not look the best for old Weepy, but he had a secret weapon: his younger brother, the intellectual Professor Pippy Pee-Pee Diarrheastein Poopypants _Esquire_.

Weepy sat down in his prison bunker and and wiped sweat and grime off his worried forehead. After pulling out a pencil from his cascading silver locks, the pint-sized writer began to rant and ramble and regurgitate information onto his piles of printer paper. The author checked his surroundings twice and then pulled out a vanilla envelope from his umber prison jumpsuit with ease. He swiftly placed each and every letter inside, closed the envelope up with two helping servings of saliva, and then walked over to the sole window in his bunker. Poopypants slid his files through a crack and watched as a man in a slate grey trash can took his story in hand and guarded it with his life.

Meanwhile, back at New Swissland....

It was a week since the puny penman sneaked his stash of penmanship out from Old Swissland prisons and his brother finally received an envelope in the mail. The bundle read "FOR PIPPY ONLY" in dark graphite pencil, however the writing was slightly smudged up from the travels. Pippy walked inside, sat down with a cup of coffee, and began to read.  
\----  
"To my brother Pippy,  
This is my first letter from the hellish penitentiary called the 'Old Swissland Correction Center'. Just when I thought this situation became more intense, a snitch traced everything about me and busted me simply for what I exposed on that idiotic buffoon called a president. He is still nothing more than an over pompous excuse of a misogynistic bastard. For fuck's sake, brother, just describing him makes me want to upchuck the painted cardboard they call "food" here. 

The rules here are hell as well. Rather than the identities we go by, most Old Swisslanders divide us by their standards of the 'birth box'. Yes, dear Pippy, their birth box. The one that chooses identities, interests, hobbies, appearances and colors for life simply by judging an infant on the shape of their outer parts. The staff has tried to hack off my silver locks without my consent, and now the guards who attempted this mutilation? Let's just say they're seven feet deep underground for now.  
Pippy, it's the material of nightmares. Write back soon, I'm begging you.

-Weepy"  
\----

Professor Poopypants shuddered from what he had just read. He reached for his printer, yanked a stack of paper out, pulled a pen from behind his ear, and got to work. After fifteen minutes, the pint sized professor had finally finished his drabble and meticulously folded it to the size of a tit bird. 

"All in a day's work" the professor said to himself, tying said dispatch to a stray bird and watching as the avian flew into the vast blue skies. The bird stopped mid-flight to soar out of the way of an incoming airplane. 

\----

"Weepy,

It really is a shame that you got arrested so early. I'm more than willing to help break you outta there if you do get this letter. Hell, I'll have company on me as well. If you remember from one of my previous letters, the renowned Canadian scientist Nunya Bismuth has arranged a get-together for an entire month to discuss international affairs of science, the concept of cloning with ease, and other experiments to work on. Unfortunately, my old assistant Porkbelly was arrested and locked up in New Swissland as well ever since the 'New Swissland Law' came into play at that disaster of a country. Perhaps he's in the same prison as you. If he is, tell him the Professor is ready to help break him out as well. Take care, brother!

-Pippy Poopypants"

\----


	2. Edith's Bizarre Adventure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet Georgia, Harriet, Nunya Bismuth, and Edith the Alien.

Flight 17-0G was a 13-hour flight from Cleveland, Ohio to Copberlond, New Swissland, the young woman memorized in her head. When this flight lands, I'll infiltrate my way into crew heading for Old Swissland, overthrow anyone who stands in my way, and collect everything for the mission.

Edith wanted to tear her gloves off, but any sight of her alien appendages would warrant any unwanted searches.

The woman looked to her left, watching 2 young schoolgirls dozing in their seats. Both had been completely asleep since arriving on the plane, not surprising for a 6 AM flight. She opened her laptop, using the flight's wifi and logging onto her Discord.

"Hey crew, the humans haven't suspected a thing about me. The flight is ending in 2 hours, which gives me 72 hours to find a way to Old Swissland" she typed, brushing her shoulder length black hair back so it wouldnt fall onto her vivid blue eyes. Her gloves itched yet she knew that no one on this flight can suspect her of being an alien.

She watched the replies come up in the chat.  
\---  
ZorxyMama: Edith my girl!  
AlienLunchLady: Greetings, Zorx! Part 1 has been a success. The two humans next to me haven't said a peep about me at all  
ZM: Oh?  
JenniferDarling: What kind of 'humans'  
ALL: Two schoolgirls from my former establishment. Super quiet, surprisingly.  
JD: How quiet?  
ZM: Schoolgirls?  
ALL: If I remember from my report, their names are Georgia and Harriet. Two fourth graders with a knack for pranks.  
KlaxinMaxin: And no trouble?.  
ALL: Yep. Oh shit, turbulence is coming up and they both look like they're waking up. Brb  
JD: K  
ZM: K  
KM: K  
\-----  
Edith slammed her laptop shut, placing it under her seat. The turbulence rumbled hard, waking up a quarter of the passengers. Edith looked to her left, watching as one of the girls woke up.

The blonde yawned loudly, stretching her arms up and setting them down. Her light brown eyes were slightly baggy, odd for someone who slept for 11 hours straight. Her exhaustion showed in her clothes as well. The blonde girl's poofy ponytail was about to fall down, her lime-and-white striped hoodie was half unzipped, showing a clean white shirt underneath. Her dark brown shorts were covered in crumbs and her striped socks kept falling to their ankles. She stretched out again, nudging her friend awake

"Georgia, wake up" she called, shaking her left arm. 

Georgia yawned, looking over to her pal. "Harriet, what is it?" she mumbled, swinging her legs back and forth. The older girl shook her head slightly, her volumious black afro shaking. She zipped up her maroon jacket, making sure to keep her striped tie out. She stretched her legs out slightly, crumbs falling off her black shorts and striped baggy socks. 

"Are we in Tokyo yet?" she asked, crossing her arms in impatience.

"Tokyo?" Edith asked, still watching the two elementary students.

Georgia turned to Edith. "Yeah, we're foreign exchange students going to Tokyo for a whole year" she explained, still drowsy and dazed. 

"Tokyo? This flight's heading for New Swissland's capital" Edith said, bracing herself for who knows what.

Georgia and Harriet bolted up, their brown eyes getting wider in shock. 

"What?!" they both gasped, sweat dripping down their foreheads.

"Georgia!!! How the FUCK did we end up here?!?!" Harriet hollered, rocking back and forth in fear as she grabbed her friend's wrist and yanked.

"I don't fucking know!! The tickets SAID 17-O9, Cleveland to Tokyo at 5 AM!!" Georgia yelled. She pulled the tickets out of her scarlet backpack, reading over the two blue and white tickets."See! 17-O9"

"But what the hell is the flight number for this one then?!?!" Harriet asked, hyperventilating.

"17-0G" Edith commented, getting back to her laptop as the turbulence came to a stop.

"Oh fucking shit, Harriet!" Georgia yelled. "We messed up the numbers!!"

"We are SO fucked" Harriet sighed, lying down against the seat.

An older man turned around, anger steaming in his egg-shaped head and making his stringy black toupee fall down.

"Can you two SHUT THE FUCK UP?!" he snarled at the schoolgirls, heaving through his nose. "And watch your language!"

"No, YOU watch your language, bub!" Harriet screamed before Mr. Krupp threw a newspaper at her face.

"Bub, don't fucking talk to children that way, you asshole" the man on his left commented.

Benjamin rolled his eyes, flipped off the other passenger, and then put his earbuds back in to cancel the noise surrounding him.

2 hours had passed, the airplane touched ground at exactly midnight. Easing into the airport gate, the flight was a success.

A crackle rose from the speakers.

"This is your captain speaking, we're now in Terminal C of the Copberlond International Airport and would like to thank all 354 passengers for flying Air New Swissland. It is currently 12:05 AM in GMT+2 time. And again, thank you for flying Air New Swissland."

Passengers rose, dozens reaching for luggage in the overhead compartment. 

"Do you two kids have any overhead?" Edith asked, reaching to grab her own luggage.

"Yeah, if it's yellow and has a pencil tag on it, that's mine. Blue with a dolphin tag, that one's Harriet's" Georgia explained, grabbing her own backpack in one hand and Harriet's hand in the other. 

Edith handed the two girls their bags, being thanked as they followed the rest of the passengers.

"Well, we're fucked" Harriet commented, sighing.


	3. Its Nunya Bismuth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Georgia and Harriet meet Poopypants and Nunya Bismuth.

The crowds were rumbling at midnight, unusual for the two American girls and usual for New Swisslanders.

"Yeah, we might be fucked" Georgia commented. "But we might get lucky and find someone to help us."

Harriet nervously fidgeted with her huge fluffy ponytail, nodding to her best friend's words. 

"Like who, Georgia?" she asked, crossing her feet and gulping. 

Georgia shrugged, still holding the blonde's hand. "The fuck if I know, probably someone off our flight"

"Uh, excuse me kids?" asked a smooth male voice. Georgia and Harriet turned around to see a young man facing them. He towered over them in height and had bright messy ginger hair, pasty white skin, a pointed nose, and a clean-pressed suit to match.

"Hey so, I heard you kids got stuck on the wrong flight" asked the redhead. "You two wanna stick with me for now? I'll get you both new tickets for free"

"Wait, how are you gonna get the tickets?" Georgia asked.

"I'm a rich white guy, I can get anything I want" laughed the adult. "But first, I have to meet with a colleague, eh"

Soon enough, the trio ran into a stout elderly man with hair towering like whipped cream. He adjusted his shiny black glasses before shaking hands with the taller man. "Mister Nunya Bismuth, a pleazhure to meet you." 

"Professor Pippy Poopypants, pleased to be your acquantice, eh?" Nunya warmly replied

Georgia and Harriet stifled a laugh, causing the professor to glare over

"So, vhat's with zhe children?" Poopypants asked, pointing out the stowaways.

"Long story short, professor" began the Canadian. "They got on the wrong flight, and I'm pretty good with kids"

"Zhat actually makes a lot of zhense" Pippy nodded. "Now why are zhey trying to laugh?"

"Well" coughed out Georgia, trying to stop Harriet from cracking up. "What did you say your name was?"

"It's Professor Pippy P. Poopypants. Emphasis on zhe poop" the gremlin calmly replied before cringing.

The two girls started to giggle, then started laughing harder than they ever had before. Harriet was on the floor, pounding her fist on the carpet and shrieking in hysterics. Tears rolled down Georgia's face as she was rolling on the floor in hilarity.

"Are ALL Americans like zhis?" Professor Poopypants huffed.

"Yes and no" shrugged Mr. Bismuth. "But mostly yes"

Pippy fumed in anger, trying not to snap. He wheezed, shutting down as fear came across him. The Nobel Peace Prize committee had humiliated him over his mere _name_.

"It's NOT funny!!" Poopypants screamed in anger, alarming everyone in sight. 

The two stopped, gasped and collected themselves together. 

"W-we're really sorry" Harriet sighed, jumping up to the floor.

Georgia begged, clasping her hands together "PLEASE don't kill us."

Pippy sighed in relief. These two children were at least better than that committee. "Promise me you von't do zhat again?" he asked

Georgia and Harriet both nodded silently.

"We still need to get those tickets though" Georgia pointed out. "Mister Bismuth?"

"I'll go and help you two. Pippy, could you get us some Cinnabon please?" he asked his shorter companion.

Pippy nodded, heading over to the cinnamon roll kiosk. An hour had passed before the gremlin came by to the trio.

"Any luck zhere, Nunya?" Pippy asked, Cinnabon still in his hands.

The Canadian nodded, patting the girls on the head. "With the help of some swearing and threatening to sue, I got these 2 girls tickets to Tokyo. However it'll be one whole month before they can go, so the two of us can watch them for now"

"You mean to tell me" Pippy stuttered before yelling. "Zhat I'm also in charge of zhese two for a fucking month?!"

All three nodded.

"Well, I'm FUCKED" the scientist groaned. "Now how zhe hell will we get back?" he pondered, before an idea rose in his head.

Pippy climbed Mr. Bismuth, sitting atop his shoulders and yanking his hair.  
"Mr. Poopypants, please, this is cruel and unusual!" the Canadian argued, trying to knock the small man off his head.

"But Mr. Bismuth, its very eco-friendly!!" Pippy yelled back, clinging more.

"Yeah. You win" Nunya replied. "But isnt your house, well, a fucking hour from here?!"

"Alright, I'll call a damn taxi then!" the New Swisslander yelled. "But I call ze shøtgun."

The four of them walked out to the taxi gate, a bright orange vehicle driving up in 20 minutes at exactly 2 AM no less.

"Hello, Mr. Poopypants is it?" a male voice called from the lone vehicle.

Pippy nodded. He handed exactly 37 euros to the driver, climbing in the shotgun to the dismay of Mr. Bismuth.

Nunya, Georgia, and Harriet climbed to the back after setting luggage in the trunk.

Driving onto the highway, all was quiet on the roads to Pippy's house.

"So" the driver asked. "Whats with the girls, Pippy?"

Nunya piped up because his companion had fallen asleep. "Well, their dyslexia messed up the ticket numbers for these two. They were supposed to go to Tokyo but it was a 5 am flight and neither could focus"

He watched down, looking at both the sleeping students. Harriet had her head on Georgia's lap, curled up and warm.

"How many more minutes?" the redhead asked.

"50" answered the driver.

"What the fuck" Nunya thought in his head.


	4. Ikea on Every Block

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A filler chapter, mostly diving into Pippy's house.

Fourty minutes had passed, only the driver and Nunya wide awake. Still 3 AM, the only sounds playing were the hum of the engine, faint whirring of airplanes in the sky, soft snores from the sleeping passengers and the beginning of Closing Time from the radio.

"Thank god we're off the highway" the driver commented, eliciting a yawn. "I dont know how many more blue and yellow exit signs I can handle"

He followed a few white signs, the last sign reading "Kindled Coves, founded 1966"

The orange vehicle drove up to Pippy's address. 823 Dickings Roadway. Kindled Coves, New Swissland. 

"Alright bub, wake up" snarked the driver, punching Pippy in the arm.

The scientist snorted, looking around quickly.  
"Hmm- huh, wha?"

He sighed in relief from seeing his familiar brick one story house. Adding a tip to his fees, he hopped out and walked to his doorstep.

Nunya yawned and stretched, trying to nudge the children awake to no avail.

The redhead gingerly picked up both of them, cradling them in his arms while making sure neither would wake up.

"Pippy" Nunya called. "Could you please come here and get the fucking bags?!"

Pippy nodded, dashing over to grab all the luggage. He ran back to the house, leaving the suitcases on a minimal white table.

"Now how come you've known that guy, Mr. Poopypants?" asked Mr. Bismuth.

"Vell" Pippy started "He's Cheeze-Its Itchbits, old acquantice from my secondary schooldays. Good man, is he not?"

Nunya nodded. "Now where the fuck do I put these two?"

Pippy pointed to a beige door. "Zhat one's the only guest room zhat's not under renovation"

The ginger thanked him, opening the door and walking in. He saw the singular bed, covers already undone and the only noise being a running air conditioner.

Nunya set Georgia down first, then placing Harriet cautiously next to her. He put up the covers, patted them both on the head, then swiftly left without making a noise.

"Phew" he sighed, crawling onto the plain beige sofa and kicking his loafers off "They're both asleep. I'm calling it a night, Pippy"

"Well" replied Poopypants, walking into his own bedroom. "Night to you, Mr. Bismuth"

He swung the door shut. What all four of them didn't expect the next morning, was about to change their week.


	5. Letters of Despair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 3 letters, 2 students, and a redheaded assistant.

The alarm clock rang. Pippy rolled over and slammed it quiet, grunting as he awoke.

"God I'm tired" he grumbled, stepping out of bed and putting his clothes on. He wiped his spectacles clean and put them on before opening the door. A new day meant a new science experiment with his assistant.

He looked around, the door opening. Turning to his right, he saw his three guests arrive from a trip. Nunya held three letters in his mouth, his hands filled with takeout bags. Georgia and Harriet were carrying writing supplies, waiting for Mr. Bismuth to set his items down.

"Mr. Bismuth, please" chuckled Pippy. "You didn't have to go get takeout for us."

Nunya nudged Georgia. She nodded, taking the letters off him and holding onto them.

"Well professor" explained the redhead. "I had no idea what the hell these two kids like to eat AND they mentioned needing writing material so I had to take them out to Whoopsie Daisy Street. They mentioned liking sushi so I stopped in at the Fujiyama House that was on your list of "reccommended places" list on the fridge. Which, by the way, I got the chicken sliced yakisoba with extra sauce for you. It WAS on that list for the 'best option' side of said list."

Pippy's mouth widened in shock, surprised at how much Mr. Bismuth went through for him.

Georgia handed him the three letters, all sent from Old Swissland Correction Center. She went off with Harriet into the guest room, starting their new comic.

"Mr. Bismuth" breathed in Pippy. "Thank you."

"No problem Professor" said Nunya. He went over to the takeout boxes, digging through to see what was what. He seperated the 2 sushi platter boxes to one side, grabbing the other 2 boxes. 

Pippy walked over, looking over for his yakisoba. He grabbed his box, sitting down at the counter with Nunya as they both wolfed down their lunch.

"So, what were those letters about, Pippy?" Nunya asked, finishing his extra-thick udon.

Pippy gulped. "I need to read those, my assistant"

Nunya nodded. He picked up the 2 platters, walking over to the guest room. The ginger opened the door, setting down the items. He closed the door then walked over to where the letters had been set then handed them to the New Swisslander.

Pippy started sweating as he opened the letters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 6 is 100% the letters from Weepy.


	6. Letters to Pippy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The letter chapter.

The first letter.  
\-----

"To my brother Pippy,

Öld Šwîššlând is still a complete hellhole. My fellow inmates have agreed on how much of an abomination the "birthing box" system is.

Truly disturbing is how this system falls from life to death. No matter what, every infant falls into this wretched system. 2 boxes at birth, assigned purely on the infant's outer appearance. Infants who don't fit either box are mutilated. Their blue box consists of entitlement, anger, a fake macho lifestyle and fragile egos. Their pink box is made of emotions and care and passive natures and is seen as inherently inferior.

This even follows to adulthood, creepily enough. Careers, clothing, designs, everything is boxed here, Pippy. And anyone caught defying the rules of the box are either humiliated, fetishized, or murdered. Help me, Pippy.

\- Weepy Snottington Poopypants"  
\-----

Letter 2.

"Dear Pippy,

Öld Šwîššlândêrs truly have bizarre education standards, almost exactly like Ämërïcäns do. Much of their focus is on worship of brutish jocks.

A fellow prisoner of mine, Mr. Chunkles Quirkybert, described in detail how the system is. He's seen the horrors directly as he used to be a ščîênčê teacher in one before the Ñēw Śwíśśłáńd Law came in, arresting him for his name.

In these brutish schools, youngsters are taught in rhymes of how their colonizing lord 'discovered' Öld Šwîššlând, names of ships yet no names of the colonized. Youngsters are also taught reading and arithmetics yet their history is askew. 

But in the high schools, hell breaks loose. Teachers spend less time on actual education and more on standardized testing and controlling what young women wear in class. Mr. Quirkybert told us a tale of the student who was expelled for wearing her cheerleading uniform _because it was sleeveless and the coach asked all cheerleaders to be in uniform that day._

Even creepier is the fact that all schoolage students unconditionally recite a pledge to their mere flag. Öld Šwîššlând truly is hell.

\- Weepy."  
\-----  
Letter 3.

"My dear brother,

The guards tore up your letter before I could read it. Truly tragic, I say. The last letter I had successfully gotten from you was one describing a "Mr. Nunya Bismuth", the Canadian scientist. If you could, please ask him to help my escape from this miserable hellhole. Thank you, brother.

\- Weepy"


	7. 3 Runts and a Redhead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The four friends make plans.

"Oh...dear...hell..." Pippy sputtered out in disbelief.

Nunya walked out of the guest room, Georgia and Harriet following suit with a comic in their hands.

The redhead was confused. "Professor?"

Pippy set the letters down. He walked over to his Këüröfrïdgë, rubbing the side of his head in one hand and grabbing a cold Fiji water in the other.

"It's... a long story, my assistant" Professor Poopypants sighed, drinking the bottled water.

Nunya looked down. "Is it something the kids can know as well or will it make this fanfiction rated Explicit?"

"For god's sake Mr. Bismuth" Pippy exclaimed. "This fic will fucking stay the same rating. But yes, I'll tell the children as well."

"Alright" said Georgia.  
"Works for me" chimed in Harriet.

The three sat down on the couch as Pippy explained every little bit of the letters to him.

"And that, is why we need to sneak over to Öld Šwîššlând. I have an old sailing uniform or 3 to sneak into. Nunya, we'll raid a thrifting store for you. Georgia, Harriet, you two could sneak in in them as well. In 5 days, we leave at 8 am sharp. We meet Mr. Butthead Stankyleg, he'll drive up in his arhmy green Drïvïńmenuts. In approximately 3 hours, we dive into zhe nearest submarine headed to Öld Šwîššlând. Any questions?"

Nunya asked "Can I get a goddamn beer right now please?!"

"I got Rëdër śćhńápp in zhe Këüröfrïdgë" commented the professor.

"Thank you, professor" said Mr. Bismuth as he went to the fridge and got a can of the alcoholic beverage out.

5 days had passed. And now it was Wednesday, my dude.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok that chapter was a lot shorter than expected. But chapter 7 is the submarine chapter!


	8. Moved a Million Hearts in Mono

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry for the long hiatus!  
> But yeah, its time for travel! Submarines come in next time I swear.

The alarm went off, buzzing in the elderly man's ears. He groaned, turning it off before getting dressed and leaving his bedroom.

His assistant was still asleep on the couch, snoring gently.

"Mr. Bismuth!!!" Pippy yelled, jumping up in the air.

Nunya yelled "WhawhaWHA!" before flinching and yawning. "Professor, it's only 6 in the morning. Is it the mission?"

"No, I just wanted to wake-YES ITS ZHE DAY OF ZE GODDAMN MISSION NUNYA BISMUTH!!!" Poopypants hollered, causing the guest room door to open slowly. "Well fuck."

Georgia and Harriet glared at Pippy, their brown eyes tinted with a hint of pink.

Harriet yawned. "Professor, you said we wouldn't get us up until 7" she groaned, almost tripping on her own hair.

"Vell, children" Pippy began to explain. "A certain assistant decided to argue with me."

Pippy walked over. "Everyone, listen up! Weepy's life depends on zhis mission to succeed. I'm fully aware it's only 6, but by 7:45 ve should be prepared at zhe most. Get yourselves fed, put on zhe sailing uniforms, and don't get bored on zhe ride up."

All three nodded, going off to get ready.

It was 7:30 and all were prepared. Pippy examined Mr. Bismuth to see if he was fully prepared. All four were ready for action in their matched sailor uniforms, the crisp blue collar and hat brim standing out against the clean whites of the uniforms and black sleek dress shoes.

"Vell" Pippy said "We're ready to save zhe life of Weepy."

Thirty minutes later, all four stepped out of the door. Pippy was locking the door as the 2001 Drïvïńmenuts pulled up to the house.

"Pippy! Pippy's assistant!" Butthead Stankyleg called out, waving a dark skinned arm out the window. "Get in bruh, we're going in."

Pippy rushed to the door of the shotgun, climbing in as the other three already were in the backseat.

Stankyleg switched to high-gear before starting the drive to Greenice Docking Port.

"So" asked Butt-head. "What's with the kids? Knock someone up at your age? Or are they your assistant's kids?"

Pippy took a deep breath in. "Vell, Stankyleg, when I was on zhe way to meet my assistant Mr. Nunya Bismuth, we accidentally took in two American children who were on zhe wrong flight. While they got zhe tickets for Tokyo, it's an entire month before zhey fly back."

Chuckles emerged from the backseat, causing Pippy and Butt-head to look back. All three were submerged in reading comic books, Nunya laughing so hard tears fell down his face.

"Vhat's so funny?" Pippy asked.

Nunya wiped a few tears off. "Professor! These children have made the most HILARIOUS comic books I've ever read! I can't!"

"Comic books, huh" commented Mr. Stankyleg. "Yeah, I read a lot of those when I was in college. I stopped after my favorite writer, Mr. Morrison Beard, took a hiatus from writing to have and raise a son with his wife. You kids might've heard of him, he's an American writer from somewhere in Michigan if I'm correct?"

Nobody said anything for a few minutes.

"Mr. Stankyleg?" Georgia said. "He actually has a daughter now."

"Oh, he does?" Butt-head asked.

Georgia gulped. "She's literally talking to you right now!"

"Oh my apologies!" replied Stankyleg. "I just didn't have any idea there, hehe. Wow, almost ten years already."

"Professor" Harriet sweetly asked. "Could you put the radio on please?"

Pippy nodded, browsing the FM stations. He found one station in particular that cause all the passengers and driver to scream.

_ So baby pull me closer in the backseat of your rover _

"MAKE IT STOP!!!!!" hollered Harriet, covering her ears. 

Georgia screamed. "I CAN'T, ITS SO BAD" 

Pippy immediatly changed the station, shuddering. "Zhat was terrible. Does all American music sound like zhis garbage?" 

"No, only 75% of it" snarked Nunya, still indulged in the comic. 

Violins filled the air, before a bouncing beat came in to play. 

_ Poor old Johnny Ray, sounded sad upon the radio... _

"Ok zhis is better" said Pippy as he laid back, eating a jægernum. 

2 hours later, the Drïvïńmenuts pulled in to the Greenice Docking Port. 

Butt-head drove in, parking smoothly. He climbed out of the vehicle, tying his black dreadlocks neatly into place before saluting his superior outside. 

"Sir" barked out Butt-head. "The noble Professor Pippy P. Poopypants and his assistants wish to tour a submarine for future invention reference, may I grant them this authority?" 

"SIR YES SIR" Commander Thiccassbih hollered, saluting. 

Stankyleg saluted. "THANK YOU HONORABLE SIR!" 

Both marched their seperate ways, Mr. Stankyleg returning to his passengers as all four stepped out. 

"Ok, guys" whispered the muscular man to the short scientist. "Yellow ones are easier to access, do NOT access the blue ones. For you Americans, we don't see you as spies so no need to fret. I'll see you in five days." 

"On it, sir" Pippy whispered, shaking hands with his ally before leaving with the three. 

It was time to find a proper ship. 


	9. We All Live in a Yellow Submarine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for World War Sub

Pippy and company searched, finding a yellow submarine labeled "NS Fuckthis-shit". The four sneaked onto the submarine, comfortably hiding in the bunker area.

Nunya pulled a comic book out from the sleeve of his uniform, reading it as he checked for marine soldiers.

"Mr. Bismuth!" whispered Poopypants. "Must I remind you zhat we are in serious danger here? Zhis is no time for silly books!"

"Pippy, I'm sorry" hushed Nunya. "But I need to find out what happened in the Brave Boisterous Boxersman versus the Bionic Barf Bunnies issue!"

Four male sailors came in, two walking towards the control panel and steering systems and the other two checking the back.

"David! Stephen! We have stowaways on board!" called out the tallest sailor.

"Stowaways, eh, Neil?" asked David. "Any idea who they are?"

"I have no idea" Neil yelled out. "Just a short elderly professor, a redhead, and two kids."

"Now wait just a damn minute" Stephen thought out loud. He got out of his seat and walked over to the four stowaways. His eyes locked with the eyes of all four, tapping his foot as he was thinking.

"I do recognize the old man though. He looks exactly like the scientist seen in our textbooks for when we went to college together" discussed Stephen. "Then again, I did only get a C in that class. Graham, you got an A in it, you know him."

"Professor Pippy Pee-Pee Diarrheastein Pooypants Esquire?" Graham replied. "Isn't he the-"

"Smartest man in all of New Swissland, zhat's correct" the scientist interrupted.

"I suppose we should introduce ourselves as well" Stephen said. "Well, I'm Stephen Judyblue, the man still at the controls is David Woodstock, the Canadian one with all the facial hair is Neil Goldrush and the one with the wavy hair is Graham Ohio"

"Now I thought _New_ Swisslanders had names like Scrotie Mcboogerballs or Porkbelly Funkyskunk" pointed out Nunya, being nudged by Pippy.

"Oh no" replied Stephen. "We're former Old Swisslanders, we work for New Swissland now. They know how to be accepting."

David came by. "So, we got the scientist now, but the other three?"

Nunya held his hand out, shaking it with David's. "Mr. Nunya Bismuth, Canadian scientist, pleasure to meet you."

"David Woodstock, also a pleasure" he replied. "Now, the children?"

"Harriet Hutchins, comic book artist."

"Georgia Beard, comic book writer."

David sighed in relief. "Well that settles everything. As for you four, we'll need extra eyes watching out for any attackers, whether sharks or enemy ships. Fortunately, sailing boats and dolphins won't be a pro-"

"On it, Mr. Woodstock!" exclaimed Harriet as she rushed to a window and looked out for any dolphins.

Everyone else looked to each other and nodded.

After five hours of success in the waters, the submarine pulled up to District of Old Nina Naval Base. 

The four sailors rushed our protagonists out of the submarine, purely for safety reasons. Nunya Bismuth ran with his company out towards the greyish melachonic city.


	10. Turn Forever Hand in Hand

The capital of Old Swissland, or known to the locals, Hell on Earth.

Pippy stepped into the dreary urban area, looking around at the blank grey streets. 

"That's just gross" Georgia whispered, seeing blood on the streets and squirming in disgust. Harriet held onto her friend's hand, looking around with their companions. The District of Old Nina was drenched in filth and depressed citizens and foggy air. 

A hand waved out from an alley.

"Psst, over here" a voice called out. "If you don't want them sons of bitches cops to kill ya, come right over."

Pippy nodded, walking over to the alley with his group. They looked over at a small group of three people.

"So y'all are them New Swisslanders?" asked the shortest person, his salt and pepper beard smelling of roast beef and cheap beer. "Now Gregg, y'all sure we can trust them?"

"God damnit Jackson" Gregg snapped. "They're stuck in this goddamn country like we all are and we better-"

"Now I swear I've seen that lil short one before" exclaimed the youngest man. "Tell me travelers, y'all know of a Weepy Snottington Poopypants?"

No reply was given.

"Arrested just bout last year, old-"

Pippy interrupted, pointing in the air in anger."He's zhe reason we're in zhis hellhole of a nation!!"

All six of them flinched from the scientist yelling.

"Oh y'all are in some deep shit now" Jackson warned. "This Old Swissland place, they dont take too kindly to them words. We personally dont give a flying rat's ass, but they'll fuck y'all up"

"Fuck us up how? Execution?" Nunya asked, brushing dirt off his uniform.

Jackson beckoned the four foreigners over.

"Oh it's real nasty, traveler" Gregg began. "The damn government fucked us over first, and now they're after them old foreigners like y'all. They'll ask 'bout them papers and ways to shame the four of y'all, lock you in prisons, torture. But if I were you." He swallowed. "Don't let them lay a hand on them kids. Old Swisslanders do everything to fuck up the lives of any child not belonging to the 1%"

Georgia leaned over to Harriet and whispered in her ear "Sounds like a place we know, huh?"

"Tell me about it" she whispered, stifling a laugh as she exchanged a quiet five.

"Hopefully we'll all be free from zhei-"

A few alarms went off. Two robotic figures stepped into the area, releasing more klaxons and clicked. The seven rebels glared angrily at the droids.

"Freeze, illegal citizens" the first robot blared in monotone speech. "You seven are under arrest for disrespect of the perfect Old Swissland Nation."

The third man rose. "I swear to fucking-"

"Jeremiah, don't y'all dare" hollered Jackson, piping his friend down.

The second robot finished its scans. "Seven illegal males, seven illegal males. One New Swisslander, three undocumented residents, one Canadian, and two Americans. One is resisting arrest. Seven illegal males"

Both robots released a colorless odorless gas in the air, immediatly knocking out our heros and the trio of homeless men. Claws extended, grabbing each of them in a tight grip and marching towards the Old Swissland Correction Center.


	11. Joyous Reunion

"Come on, you guys" angrily groaned the prisoner. He shook the four bodies like ragdolls, waiting on them to gain consciousness. This is hopeless, he thought.

The prisoner sat down, beginning to ramble to himself as he scribbled on some scrap paper.

"Now if zhose four could wake up, we could plan our esca-" he was cut off.

"Weepy?" a heavily accented voice asked. "Is zhat really you?"

Weepy turned around, facing the wall. His younger brother Pippy was wide awake and sitting up, crossing his legs. Joy beamed across his face.

"Pippy!!!" Weepy happily called out, running to embrace his sibling. Pippy chuckled, patting his elder on the back. Both continued the embrace for 5 minutes, pulling away in glee.

"Bu-but how?!?!" the jumpsuit clad writer sputtered out, nearly choking on air. "Vhat di-did you?"

"I" Pippy turned around to see his companions wake up. "Or should I say, WE, planned zhis for five consecutive days"

"But vait just a damn second" Weepy pointed out. "Zhose two children are obviously lasses, vhat are zhey doing in a lad's prison?"

Georgia began to speak up, waving her hands in the air. "Because those robo cops are FUCKING crazy! And its a long story, so we'll spare you the details"

"Me too" cried out Harriet.

Nunya hid a smirk, trying not to laugh. "Adorable, aren't they, Weepy?"

"Vhy yes" Weepy said. "Now who are you again?"

"Oh, me?" replied Mr. Bismuth. "I'm Nunya Bismuth, the Canadian scientist, good friend of Pippy. We've known each other for a while, eh?"

"And zhe children, Mister Bismuth?" asked Weepy, crossing his arms.

"Oh those two? Well the one with the afro is Georgia, she's a comic book writer. And the one with the huge hair tied back is Harriet, she does the art. Both are very talented after all" explained Nunya. "Why don't you and the kids talk it out, Pippy and I will discuss plans for getting outta here, eh."

Weepy nodded eagerly, sitting with the children, legs crossed.

"Zhe writings you've done?" he asked.

"Well it started back in kinnygarden" Georgia began to explain. "Harriet doesn't really like when I talk about back then, so I'll cut to first grade."

"Thank you Miss Beard" Harriet said.

"No problem Miss Hutchins" chuckled Georgia.

"As I was saying, we've created dozens of comic creations. Dog Man, The Amazing Cow Lady, Timmy the Talking Toilet, the Wrath of the Wicked Wedgie Woman, our biggest hit The Amazing Captain Underpants, and our newest creation from Treehouse Comix Inc, the Brave! Boisterous! BOXERS MAN!!

"The joke is" Harriet interrupted. "Most superheroes look like they're wearing their underwear, well, Captain Underpants and Boxers Man actually _are_."

Weepy had to ask "Zhen aren't zhey zhe same character?"

"No!" Harriet and Georgia yelled at the same time. Weepy tilted his head in confusion.

"Well" Georgia began to explain and ramble. "See, we came up with Boxers Man after watching this weird cartoon about a blue haired guy and his grandson, and I think there was like tons of universes in it. I don't know, I saw it once or twice back at home then my mom yelled at me for watching it because she said it was 'inappropiate for my age' or something stupid like that"

"Wasn't it called, uhh, Prick and I forgot the other guy" Harriet interrupted yet again. "I know it was the same name as someone in our school who got fired."

"Kenny?"  
"Hell no!! It was Benjamin?"  
"Couldn't be. Oh! I think it was Pippy."  
"Harriet be serious!"  
"Melvin"  
"That's not even a staff member!"  
"Oh! Morty!"  
"Yeah, it was Morty."

Nunya turned around, raising an eyebrow. "Weepy? What the heck are you three talking about?" he asked, still discussing escape plans.

"Vell zhe kids were explaining zheir own little creations" answered Weepy, holding a copy of The Brave Boisterous Boxersman and the Terrifying Tale of Trailing Intenstines. "And zhen they argued about some tv character named Morty."

Pippy and Nunya shrugged it off. "Well, we finished our plans"

Georgia, Harriet, and Weepy walked over, ready to hear the plans.

"Ok, listen zhe fuck up everyone" Pippy began the plans. "Tomorrow, ve sneak out at zhe crack of dawn. If we see any security, Georgia and Harriet will knock them out. Zhey'll do it because ze guards rarely see children here. Vhen we knock out all zhe security, we'll sneak out through zhe sewage gate, run back to zhe naval base, hijack a submarine, zhen head back to Ńéw Śwíśśláńd. Any questions?"

"Yeah I got one" asked Nunya. "How the _fuck_ is this going to work?"

"Ve need revisions" Weepy criticized. "Or we're all fucked like no zomorrow. First, ve need another way to distract any incoming guards. Now vat's painful, distracting, and used often as torture outside zhe United States?"

The six of them thought in silence for a few minutes.

"Twenty One Pilots?" Georgia asked.

"Twentÿ Ønë Pïłøts" Weepy said. "Because no one over twenty one can zholerate zhem. Zomorrow, ve take action."

The rest of the night was spent plotting, revising, and remembering times and schedules.


End file.
